Wednesday, January 14, 2009

"Realm of Bizarre News" Top 13 For 2008!

"Realm of Bizarre News" Top 13 for 2008!
The top 13 are listed here in inverse numerical order, with a 2-way ties for 7th and 2nd! This compilation is admittedly highly subjective and arbitrary, with numerous other excellent runner-up candidates having been left on the sidelines to limit the number to 13.
13. Embarrassing! Some patients who have implanted ceramic artificial hips, which are reportedly more durable than traditional metal and plastic hips, are complaining that those hips are squeaking with each step they take! One study indicates that some 7% are suffering from this annoyance, with a few patients actually taking the drastic step of undergoing another surgical procedure to have them replaced!
12. Truly inspiring! A gal hit a crucial home run to give her college softball team the win in a game deciding the Great Northwest Athletic Conference championship up in Ellensburg,WA. But, her knee imploded as she rounded 1st base, and if she could not make it around the bases, her hit would not count. So, in an outstanding display of sportsmanship, in a scene that might be described as bizarre, 2 gals from the opposing team carried her around the bases so her HR would count!!!!!
11. Stupid criminal trick: 2 senior guys placed their dead pal in a wheelchair and pushed him to the Pay-O-Matic check cashing store in New York City, endeavoring to convince the clerk that he was actually alive so they could cash his $355 social security check. But. a plainclothes officer happened to notice them enter and realized immediately that the pal was a cadaver! The pair were arrested on the spot.
10. On an Air Canada flight from Toronto to London, the co-pilot suddenly went berserk over the Atlantic and had to be restrained and tied up by a contingent of crew members and passengers. When The pilot asked if any of the passengers could assume the role of co-pilot, none responded, but one stewardess volunteered as she surprisingly held a commercial pilot's license, and she helped guide the plane to a smooth, diversionary landing at Shannon Airport in Ireland!
9.Burglar in Kuala Lampur, Malaysia, preparing to abscond with his loot from a home, claims he was repeatedly pushed to the floor by a supernatural entity. He was trapped for 3 days, and when discovered, was so dehydrated, that he had to be rushed to the ER! This ghostly guardian sounds better than a watchdog!
8.Cover your eyes! At Vienna's Burgtheater, in a suicide scene, actor Daniel Hoevals slashed his throat with what he thought was a prop knife...but, it was the real thing and he began bleeding profusely. The audience actually applauded what they imagined were very realistic "special" effects. He came within inches of slicing an artery and dying, but the trooper survived and was back on stage the next evening wearing a bandage around his neck. Police are investigating the possibility of a murder attempt by a jealous rival.
7. Ouch! In Cairo, Egypt, a son, 37, tried to cure his dad's migraine by hitting him in the head some 25 times! The good news: The headache is gone. The bad news: The dad died from the hammering and the son has been arrested for manslaughter(a strong candidate for our "Doofus of the Year" award)! Please, please, use aspirin for a headache...we cannot afford to lose even one of you out there! Thank you!
7. Matthew 5:30 advises: "And, if they right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it from thee." A man in Hayden,Idaho took this verse seriously: when he saw the mark of the Devil in his right hand (possibly the satanic '666'), he cut it off with a circular saw, had the presence of mind to place a tourniquet around the stump, then microwaved the hand until it was withered so it could not be reattached. Definitely a man of principle (also, another strong candidate for our "Doofus of the Year" award).
6. An unusual anti-wrinkle compound made of nightingale poop is being applied to customers at swank spas in New York City and London for up to $200 a treatment. It has been dried, compacted, sanitized, and deodorized. Reportedly, geishas and Kabuki actors have used such a concoction for centuries with success to battle wrinkles. My question: is it not possible that droppings from other birds, even the lowly pigeon, might work as effectively and be less expensive?
5. Unbelievable! While bicycling, a gal in Lake Luzerne in upstate New York spotted a monarch butterfly with a broken wing. She took it home in an empty water bottle, and nourished it with honey. And, discovering a 9-minute instructional video on the Internet, she was able to mend its wing with teeny cardboard splints affixed with glue! Then, after it healed, she found a trucker willing to drive the butterfly down to Florida to complete its migration south! (Personally, I do not think I would even realize a butterfly had a broken wing, and certainly had no idea that it could be mended!)
4. Great idea! Deceased defense NYC attorney John Jacobs continues to receive cellphone calls in his grave 3 years after his death. He was buried with his fave Motorola T720, and his wife continues to pay the monthly $55 bill to keep it operating. The cell number is actually etched on his tombstone. She and their 2 sons regularly leave messages, keeping him updated on news and family matters!
3. Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr.Alvin Bittner had been harvesting liposuctioned fat from his patients to utilize as fuel for his SUV and that of his galpal. For the record, one pound of such fat can be converted to approximately one pound of fuel.
2. He should have paid attention to his mom! Man, 63, in Manchester, England, had a bad habit of picking his nose. Apparently, he did it once too often as he triggered an uncontrollable nosebleed which killed him. I am sure many of you out there were warned by your mothers not to pick your you know she did so with good reason!
2. Repeated use of cotton swabs in his ears led to the death of man, just 43, in Quebec from meningitis! The excessive rubbing apparently punctured an ear drum which allowed an infection to set in that spread to the spinal cord fluid, with fatal meningitis the surprising result!
1.Sounded like fun! British tourist David Monk, 42, at the Valle di Susa ski resort in northern Italy near Turin slid down a slope on a RUBBER MATTRESS, yes, a RUBBER MATTRESS! But, he could not control it and slammed into a fence, getting himself killed! He is our official "Doofus of the Year," outdistancing some very strong competition! And, please do not try this as we cannot afford to lose even one of you out there! You are our cherished audience members! ==================================================================
I can present these and other intriguing reports(which can be fleshed out in more detail if needed) for you in a dynamic new 1-5 minute feature (or even 30-second microfeaturette) that can run daily, tri-weekly, or weekly on any of your existingproductions, or stand unto itself as a separate 30-minute weekly entity!
I am currently host of the cable TV series,"Mysteries From Beyond The Other Dominion." which was 1 of the 4 original series to premiere on the SCI-FI CHANNEL when it was launched. Recently, I was the resident anomalist on "The New Tom Green Show" on MTV, guested on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" and the new "ALF'S Hit Talk Show," and was profiled on "9 On The Town."
And, I was a regular contributor to "A Current Affair," guested on THE X-TESTERS, hosted a recurring UFO segment on "9 On The Town," and was a "Stranger" on NBC's "Identity."
May the Power of the Cosmos be with You!
Dr.Franklin Ruehl,Ph.D.

1 comment:

  1. 2008 was a weird year between that bigfoot hoax and the Florida guy with his alien in the window "video a.k.a still image." I didn't know the January 15 answer, so can I pat myself on the back for remembering that 2008 was the year that the Phoenix lander detected snow above the Martian landscape?

    The first question after over 15 years and I was stumped. Granted, I almost always was stumped back then too. :-)